So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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