who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
