my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
