just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
