omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
