Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
