Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
