it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my poor anus
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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