hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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