do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
