Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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