he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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