I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
