How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
