I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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