Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
