Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
