fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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