Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
