she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dicks are not precious.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
