3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
