capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
