wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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