Pants 0. Shit 1.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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