college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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