its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
