just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
