i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
