I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
