I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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