Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
