I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
