do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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