I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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