Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
