piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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