another moral hangover. fuck.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
