Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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