we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
