It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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