Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
