You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
