I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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