It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
