Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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