I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
