just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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