piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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