I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
