I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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