Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
