I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
