please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
