Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful