I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
