You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
