2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
