What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
