too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
