I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
