I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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