my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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