Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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