So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
