Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
