this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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