And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
