If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wear drunk well.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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