just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
